Prelude
My wonderful husband (with the financial support of both of our fabulous parental units) got me a used piano for my birthday. I knew what I was asking for when I asked for it - a sad sounding eyesore whose greatest hope might be to hold its tune for a whole year. That's the most we could possibly hope to afford as unemployed grad students.
The other problem in asking for this marvel was that, even after locating a piano within our budget and within 60 miles on the great expanse of Craigslist, we weren't quite sure how we would get it to our house. Then a seemingly great solution presented itself: old Kimball piano for sale, hardly been used, located about a mile from our church up the road, and they were willing to deliver.
There did not appear to be anything glaringly wrong with it other than it being massively out of tune and home to at least 15 cats for the last 25 years. So we got it.
Fast-forward to bringing it to our house and me immediately noticing that the accompanying smell was more than just cat: it was fossilized cat urine. Followed immediately by me trying not to vomit or cry and rubbing the whole thing down with Old English Lemon Oil, lighting several candles and going to bed feeling like an idiot.
Day 1 of Exorcism
I look up solution after solution online. Scour the internet. White vinegar comes highly recommended and I get to work using every rag in our bucket. Laundry necessitates a pause in the operation. I head to Wal-Mart for back up: Febreze plug-ins. If I can't defeat the demon, I will at least prevent him from possessing the rest of my house. Somehow.
Day 2
Pungent smell is still vomit-inducing. Having rubbed down the entire piano with vinegar, I proceed to remove the music-stand as well as the front covers. Some finish may have been sacrificed to the cause. Piano tuner arrives. Manages to get piano more or less in tune although he is powerless to remove certain screws to enable access to certain areas. Recommends spraying insides of wood with Febreze and closing the thing back up.
Day 3
Desperate and having called in remote back-up from General/Cardinal Knows-How-To-Get-Anything-Out-Of-Everything-And-If-She-Doesn't-She-Knows-Someone-Who-Does Mom, the General/Cardinal contacts her Reliable Inside Source. The Reliable Inside Source recommends 3 products: Nature's Miracle, Ozium Air Sanitizer, and an antiques/wood furniture cleaner/conditioner. After a lengthy search, I acquire Nature's Miracle Urine Destroyer Just For Cats and Ozium Air Sanitizer. I find myself with insufficient funds to purchase the cleaner/conditioner for the only immediately available source and head back to the battleground two-thirds successful. I will purchase the final product via the internet. Upon spraying the Ozium inside the top and bottom of the piano, we experience immediate relief. The demon is beginning to weaken.
Day 4
I continue to further enrage the weakening demon through repeated application of Urine Destroyer, focusing on its preferred headquarters: the shelf above the keyboard.
Day 5
The demon has finally begun a full retreat from its headquarters. I take sharp implements wrapped in Urine Destroyer-soaked cloth to grove along the front. Happy to report success. Instead I must now concentrate on the rear. Q-tips, vacuum, and gloves are necessary. I report success to husband later on that evening. I choose the unfortunate timing of during the closing hymn of a church musical performance. I say unfortunate because this was the exchange:
Husband: "We have to record the visual of this demon."
Me: "I'm pretty sure it has multiple heads."
Both at the exact same time: "And multiple penises."
Were forced to excuse ourselves to avoid disruption to the meeting.
Day 6
I realize the final stronghold of this demon may be the bench. After soaking it through with Urine Destroyer, I scrub the bottom of each leg. A thorough spray of Ozium to the inside weakens the demon considerably.
Day 7
Air is breathable, with only a trace of the demon. Almost pleasant. Still waiting for arrival of furniture cleaner/conditioner.
Easier Done Than Said: Attempts at blogging by a girl who doesn't like writing.
Wednesday, November 7, 2012
Monday, September 10, 2012
Early lessons in attraction
I'm suddenly wondering what all I did as a kid that made my teachers question my level of intelligence.
In 3rd grade Mrs. A gave us an extensive lesson on magnets and magnetic attraction. Then she took us outside with a large, over-sized magnet and let us take turns picking things to test for being magnetic. All of the other kids picked things like a nail or a paperclip from the ground (yeah, I don't think our school had the safest grounds) or the iron railing for the stairs. Me? I brought her a rock. Every time.
But this was my reasoning: I knew how magnets worked. I wasn't interested in confirming what I already knew - that the magnet was going to attract a paper clip or anything obviously metal like that. She had mentioned in the lesson that magnets were attracted to metal and that the metal was found in the earth, in rocks. So duh, I wanted to find some hidden stuff I couldn't obviously predict... it was like a random treasure hunt.
I'm pretty sure all Mrs. A thought was, "Oh great, here she comes again. With another rock. Did this girl listen at all? I've already told her that probably none of the rocks her have iron in them. Seriously, they put this child in gifted and talented? They must be desperate." As I came at her with a big stupid smile and another large rock in my hand.
We never did find one that attracted the magnet.
In 3rd grade Mrs. A gave us an extensive lesson on magnets and magnetic attraction. Then she took us outside with a large, over-sized magnet and let us take turns picking things to test for being magnetic. All of the other kids picked things like a nail or a paperclip from the ground (yeah, I don't think our school had the safest grounds) or the iron railing for the stairs. Me? I brought her a rock. Every time.
But this was my reasoning: I knew how magnets worked. I wasn't interested in confirming what I already knew - that the magnet was going to attract a paper clip or anything obviously metal like that. She had mentioned in the lesson that magnets were attracted to metal and that the metal was found in the earth, in rocks. So duh, I wanted to find some hidden stuff I couldn't obviously predict... it was like a random treasure hunt.
I'm pretty sure all Mrs. A thought was, "Oh great, here she comes again. With another rock. Did this girl listen at all? I've already told her that probably none of the rocks her have iron in them. Seriously, they put this child in gifted and talented? They must be desperate." As I came at her with a big stupid smile and another large rock in my hand.
We never did find one that attracted the magnet.
Thursday, September 6, 2012
Problems and Solutions
I officially reside in the midwest. And while the people are lovely and our house is cute, I can't decide if I'll ever get used to it. I'm reserving judgement until I live through winter.
It doesn't help that my GI track has apparently taken it upon itself to process all the stress of the past three months into less than semi-solid waste. Thanks, colon. And whatever my colon missed, my subconscious has absorbed and refined into dreams (involving one particular ex) more bizarre than I thought possible to conceive. My subconscious thought differently.
The happy part of moving across the country and being only slightly closer to home is that first of all, we have our own home. I love my in-laws dearly but... I'll let you fill in the rest. Even when families used to stay close together, newlyweds almost always built a separate free-standing home on the family land for a reason. A good reason. I don't feel the need to further explain these feelings.
The second part is that, thanks to much help from me mam, my house is fairly well organized and on its way to being decently decorated. I've collected quite a bit of decor over the years as a single person and then even more when I moved to the state of Deseret Industries and regular flea markets, and yet even more after I received my unexpected inheritance from my baby sister. I use all of it.
You'd be surprised what a trip to the local thrift store/flea market/antique mall can solve. My favorite solutions to organizational problems were often through a trip to DI. Like my make-up, hair stuff, and jewelry: all stored and easily accessible in a hodge podge of glass trays & stemware from the thrift store. Or my extra fabric for sewing: stored in vintage suitcases under my cutting table. (Someday I'm going to paint those suckers too. The suitcases, not the fabrics.) I have never bought a single serving bowl from anywhere but the thrift store. And I have some lovely glass bowls. Needed more storage/cupboard space in the kitchen: found two cabinets on sale at the local antique mall. They are currently curing from their paint facial. And they look adorable. Needed more storage for the master bath. Small bookcase with cute scallop trim? $40 at the antique mall? Yes, please. Was it painted pitch-black? Yeah, it was. Was. It is now a charming two-tone green with white trim. Did I find a set of turquoise ceramic canisters that match my kitchen perfectly at a random thrift store while husband was visiting his Iraqi refugee family? Yes, yes I did. Did I pay more than $15 for all 4 of them? No, no I did not. Or how about my vintage kitchen table that matches my 50s diner look perfectly? That's right, it came with sparkly red vinyl & chrome chairs and a bonus bar stool, all for $200. Thank you, Confetti Antiques and my mothers for giving it to me as a Christmas present.
And finally, in a sad/hilarious turn of events, the garage sale furniture that I bought for myself in my undergrad has made it full circle. I bought a nightstand for $10, a dresser for $30 or $40, and a desk for $5 when I moved into a house with my sister during my undergrad. My mom came up for a weekend and spray painted all of it white & yellow to go in my bedroom at the time and gave it matching hardware. Then I hit the Oregon trail and my sister inherited it. She didn't care for the yellow, so she made all of it just white. Then she got married and passed it to buck-buck #3, who used it for the remainder of her undergrad before hauling it off to med school with her. That is, all but the $5 dollar desk, which when I last saw it was resting next to the apartment dumpster with a "FREE" sign attached to it. Sister #3 then proceeded to paint the set cream with a black wood crackle finish (so it's really mostly black) to match her cowgirl/western red, cream, & black room at med school. She also added a cute consul table from Craigslist to the set and changed the hardware. And now, since she up and left us, I have reacquired my college furniture, conveniently painted to match my living room and the guest room. But I changed the hardware once again. At least on two pieces. I couldn't help it. (And it's kind of her fault. She must have meant to get a few more pieces but they don't make them anymore... anyway, I solved that problem.)
Someday, the paint will dry, and I will post pictures of my achievements from the past few weeks.
It doesn't help that my GI track has apparently taken it upon itself to process all the stress of the past three months into less than semi-solid waste. Thanks, colon. And whatever my colon missed, my subconscious has absorbed and refined into dreams (involving one particular ex) more bizarre than I thought possible to conceive. My subconscious thought differently.
The happy part of moving across the country and being only slightly closer to home is that first of all, we have our own home. I love my in-laws dearly but... I'll let you fill in the rest. Even when families used to stay close together, newlyweds almost always built a separate free-standing home on the family land for a reason. A good reason. I don't feel the need to further explain these feelings.
The second part is that, thanks to much help from me mam, my house is fairly well organized and on its way to being decently decorated. I've collected quite a bit of decor over the years as a single person and then even more when I moved to the state of Deseret Industries and regular flea markets, and yet even more after I received my unexpected inheritance from my baby sister. I use all of it.
You'd be surprised what a trip to the local thrift store/flea market/antique mall can solve. My favorite solutions to organizational problems were often through a trip to DI. Like my make-up, hair stuff, and jewelry: all stored and easily accessible in a hodge podge of glass trays & stemware from the thrift store. Or my extra fabric for sewing: stored in vintage suitcases under my cutting table. (Someday I'm going to paint those suckers too. The suitcases, not the fabrics.) I have never bought a single serving bowl from anywhere but the thrift store. And I have some lovely glass bowls. Needed more storage/cupboard space in the kitchen: found two cabinets on sale at the local antique mall. They are currently curing from their paint facial. And they look adorable. Needed more storage for the master bath. Small bookcase with cute scallop trim? $40 at the antique mall? Yes, please. Was it painted pitch-black? Yeah, it was. Was. It is now a charming two-tone green with white trim. Did I find a set of turquoise ceramic canisters that match my kitchen perfectly at a random thrift store while husband was visiting his Iraqi refugee family? Yes, yes I did. Did I pay more than $15 for all 4 of them? No, no I did not. Or how about my vintage kitchen table that matches my 50s diner look perfectly? That's right, it came with sparkly red vinyl & chrome chairs and a bonus bar stool, all for $200. Thank you, Confetti Antiques and my mothers for giving it to me as a Christmas present.
And finally, in a sad/hilarious turn of events, the garage sale furniture that I bought for myself in my undergrad has made it full circle. I bought a nightstand for $10, a dresser for $30 or $40, and a desk for $5 when I moved into a house with my sister during my undergrad. My mom came up for a weekend and spray painted all of it white & yellow to go in my bedroom at the time and gave it matching hardware. Then I hit the Oregon trail and my sister inherited it. She didn't care for the yellow, so she made all of it just white. Then she got married and passed it to buck-buck #3, who used it for the remainder of her undergrad before hauling it off to med school with her. That is, all but the $5 dollar desk, which when I last saw it was resting next to the apartment dumpster with a "FREE" sign attached to it. Sister #3 then proceeded to paint the set cream with a black wood crackle finish (so it's really mostly black) to match her cowgirl/western red, cream, & black room at med school. She also added a cute consul table from Craigslist to the set and changed the hardware. And now, since she up and left us, I have reacquired my college furniture, conveniently painted to match my living room and the guest room. But I changed the hardware once again. At least on two pieces. I couldn't help it. (And it's kind of her fault. She must have meant to get a few more pieces but they don't make them anymore... anyway, I solved that problem.)
Someday, the paint will dry, and I will post pictures of my achievements from the past few weeks.
Wednesday, June 27, 2012
Delving Into the Black Hole
I've decided to clean out my purse via blog post. That makes it more interesting. But you should know that my purse is cavernous. I bought it at a truck stop between San Antonio and Houston during the many trips related to The Great Trauma of 2011. It may be gross because I'm not going to leave anything out, but I thought it might be interesting to imagine what someone might conjecture about me if they found my purse. Which, by the by, looks like this:
Item #1: Cell phone with bright green cover. My lifeline to my parents, my sister, and my best friend (whom I failed miserably today when I was home but said phone was still stuck in said purse, well out of my range of hearing.
Item #2: Ipod. What's on my ipod is probably an entire post within itself. Muppets, Dave Matthews, a whole lot of classical music and a ton of Irish music, a sizable amount of country, Disney, audio recordings of the Book of Mormon and other scriptures, plus a bunch of audiobooks. Thanks to my dear Mumsie (my MIL) I now adore audiobooks. I don't know what all that says about me.
Item #3: Burt's Bees pink grapefruit lip balm. I've been addicted to lip balm since about 6th grade. About the same time I started played flute. I think I've actually had small panic attacks at those rare times that I found I left home without it.
Item #4: Lonely wadded dollar bill. I'm always short on cash - I was surprised to find this.
Item #5: Keys. One for Lemonjello, one for Masterchief (husband's car), one for parent's home, and one for clan home. Plus a Texas shaped bottle opener painted like a Texas flag. All on a carabiner (thanks to Jackson, who will likely never read this).
Item #6: Eclipse spearmint gum. I'm picky about how my mouth and lips feel. I blame years of fluting.
Item #7: Black and white polka dotted wallet. Full of receipts, driver's license, mostly useless cards, and temple recommend. No cash.
Item #8: Checkbook. Battered, but not very used.
Item #9: Empty water bottle. My dehydration is never ending. I also have low enough blood pressure that I nearly blackout more often than not when I stand up.
Item #10: Stay Matte pressed powder. I have oily skin. VERY oily skin. It comes from my dad's mother's family. I believe the joke with one of her sisters was that she used to slip out of bed as soon as she slipped in, thanks to her greasy skin.
Item #11: Tuning fork on a green ribbon. That's definitely from Kodaly training and working as an elementary music specialist.
Item #12: Retractable (broken) tape measure. That would be the seamstress/costumer in me.
Item(s) #13: 2 pair foldable scissors. Also a product of the aforementioned seamstressing.
Item #14: A list of Hungarian universities to look into. You know, just in case we do wind up in Europe at some point and I could do a doctorate at one of them. That is, if they offer it in English and I could tailor the program to my tastes.
Item(s) #15: 3 packages chewing gum. Now this is pathetic. All three of these packages came from Natti's room when we cleaned it out. And I've been rationing them to myself. Because of course the second that I finish chewing all of her gum she's gone forever. Sounds ridiculous out loud but sometimes I feel that way. So if I get sick in the future from chewing gum that's 10 years old, you'll know why.
Item #16: Small spray bottle of Bath & Body Works body spray. The bottle says coconut lime verbena, but I'm pretty sure it's passion fruit in there. It's also so swollen from going on plane trips that it might explode at any second.
Item #17: Small travel bottle of lotion, commandeered from a hotel on our recent road trip.
Item #18: Ziplock bag of dried cranberries. I love dried cranberries. Too bad I didn't eat these. I don't think I want to now.
Item #19: Tampon. I'm a female between the ages of 14 and 50, so that shouldn't surprise anyone.
Item #20: Grocery shopping list from weeks past. Looks like I managed to get most of what was on it.
Item(s) #21: Gift cards from thank yous, Christmas, and a birthday I think. Most of them to fabric stores. :)
Item #22: Kermit the Frog pencil pouch stuffed with pens and pencils, most of which are black and green. There is also a dry erase marker in there - yet another indicator of life at the elementary school.
Item #25: Little plastic cowboy guy. Same size as the little plastic green army men usually belonging to little boys. I have no doubt this one leaped to the "safety" of my purse from the container of prizes for second graders.
Item #26: Purple earbuds. I couldn't find green ones in the selection I was searching through at Big Lots.
Item #27: Hand sanitizer, vanilla scented, originating from Bath & Body Works, with the label proclaiming "I <3 Geeks."
Item #28: Blistex. A gift from Middle Sister while I was visiting on spring break and used repeatedly while I was sick for 5 weeks + and my lips were perpetually chapped and raw to the point of bleeding.
Item(s) #29: 3 tubes lip gloss. All of which previously belonged to Natti. Mostly this is a testament to the fact that whenever I throw lip gloss or lipstick into my purse on Sunday, it is a long time in reemerging from the black hole that is my purse.
Item #30: 1 pair silver earrings, previously belonging to Natti. They go with everything. And yet nothing because I think they've been living in there since I took pictures with me Mam and sister over spring break.
Item(s) #30: Assortment of bobby pins and safety pins. One can never be too prepared.
Item #31: Thumb drive. I'm not actually sure what's on this thing. I'm gonna have to plug it in when I'm done and find out...
Item #32: Used spoon wrapped in napkin. I'm rather embarrassed about this one. I know it's from the craziness that was Intermuse and took up my life for the two weeks previous, but eew.
Item(s) #33: 1 Ricola cough drop, 1 Ricola cough drop wrapper, and 11 Halls vitamin C drop wrappers. Those Halls Defense vitamin C drops might have saved my life. I downed approximately 25 per day during Intermuse.
Item(s) #34: 2 clean tissues. Plus an embarrassing amount of used tissues. More than 10, less than 50. Yes, I did count but I simply can't admit the exact number. Especially because I cleaned out the tissues before Intermuse started.
Item #35: A small piece of paper with a drawing of the teddy bear we saw at a gas station in Jordan. it looked like it had hydrocephalus. Naturally, it was drawn by Indy and completed with the caption, "My every breath brings agony..." and a label, "My Tiny Teddy!"
I'm afraid of what a stranger would think of me if they happened upon this purse. They'd probably start to look through it only to run immediately to the nearest sink and begin to sanitize themselves after realizing what they thought was a purse is clearly a shrine to used tissues. In fact, I doubt they would have ever got past the used tissues to explore the array of other useless items.
Item #1: Cell phone with bright green cover. My lifeline to my parents, my sister, and my best friend (whom I failed miserably today when I was home but said phone was still stuck in said purse, well out of my range of hearing.
Item #2: Ipod. What's on my ipod is probably an entire post within itself. Muppets, Dave Matthews, a whole lot of classical music and a ton of Irish music, a sizable amount of country, Disney, audio recordings of the Book of Mormon and other scriptures, plus a bunch of audiobooks. Thanks to my dear Mumsie (my MIL) I now adore audiobooks. I don't know what all that says about me.
Item #3: Burt's Bees pink grapefruit lip balm. I've been addicted to lip balm since about 6th grade. About the same time I started played flute. I think I've actually had small panic attacks at those rare times that I found I left home without it.
Item #4: Lonely wadded dollar bill. I'm always short on cash - I was surprised to find this.
Item #5: Keys. One for Lemonjello, one for Masterchief (husband's car), one for parent's home, and one for clan home. Plus a Texas shaped bottle opener painted like a Texas flag. All on a carabiner (thanks to Jackson, who will likely never read this).
Item #6: Eclipse spearmint gum. I'm picky about how my mouth and lips feel. I blame years of fluting.
Item #7: Black and white polka dotted wallet. Full of receipts, driver's license, mostly useless cards, and temple recommend. No cash.
Item #8: Checkbook. Battered, but not very used.
Item #9: Empty water bottle. My dehydration is never ending. I also have low enough blood pressure that I nearly blackout more often than not when I stand up.
Item #10: Stay Matte pressed powder. I have oily skin. VERY oily skin. It comes from my dad's mother's family. I believe the joke with one of her sisters was that she used to slip out of bed as soon as she slipped in, thanks to her greasy skin.
Item #11: Tuning fork on a green ribbon. That's definitely from Kodaly training and working as an elementary music specialist.
Item #12: Retractable (broken) tape measure. That would be the seamstress/costumer in me.
Item(s) #13: 2 pair foldable scissors. Also a product of the aforementioned seamstressing.
Item #14: A list of Hungarian universities to look into. You know, just in case we do wind up in Europe at some point and I could do a doctorate at one of them. That is, if they offer it in English and I could tailor the program to my tastes.
Item(s) #15: 3 packages chewing gum. Now this is pathetic. All three of these packages came from Natti's room when we cleaned it out. And I've been rationing them to myself. Because of course the second that I finish chewing all of her gum she's gone forever. Sounds ridiculous out loud but sometimes I feel that way. So if I get sick in the future from chewing gum that's 10 years old, you'll know why.
Item #16: Small spray bottle of Bath & Body Works body spray. The bottle says coconut lime verbena, but I'm pretty sure it's passion fruit in there. It's also so swollen from going on plane trips that it might explode at any second.
Item #17: Small travel bottle of lotion, commandeered from a hotel on our recent road trip.
Item #18: Ziplock bag of dried cranberries. I love dried cranberries. Too bad I didn't eat these. I don't think I want to now.
Item #19: Tampon. I'm a female between the ages of 14 and 50, so that shouldn't surprise anyone.
Item #20: Grocery shopping list from weeks past. Looks like I managed to get most of what was on it.
Item(s) #21: Gift cards from thank yous, Christmas, and a birthday I think. Most of them to fabric stores. :)
Item #22: Kermit the Frog pencil pouch stuffed with pens and pencils, most of which are black and green. There is also a dry erase marker in there - yet another indicator of life at the elementary school.
Item #25: Little plastic cowboy guy. Same size as the little plastic green army men usually belonging to little boys. I have no doubt this one leaped to the "safety" of my purse from the container of prizes for second graders.
Item #26: Purple earbuds. I couldn't find green ones in the selection I was searching through at Big Lots.
Item #27: Hand sanitizer, vanilla scented, originating from Bath & Body Works, with the label proclaiming "I <3 Geeks."
Item #28: Blistex. A gift from Middle Sister while I was visiting on spring break and used repeatedly while I was sick for 5 weeks + and my lips were perpetually chapped and raw to the point of bleeding.
Item(s) #29: 3 tubes lip gloss. All of which previously belonged to Natti. Mostly this is a testament to the fact that whenever I throw lip gloss or lipstick into my purse on Sunday, it is a long time in reemerging from the black hole that is my purse.
Item #30: 1 pair silver earrings, previously belonging to Natti. They go with everything. And yet nothing because I think they've been living in there since I took pictures with me Mam and sister over spring break.
Item(s) #30: Assortment of bobby pins and safety pins. One can never be too prepared.
Item #31: Thumb drive. I'm not actually sure what's on this thing. I'm gonna have to plug it in when I'm done and find out...
Item #32: Used spoon wrapped in napkin. I'm rather embarrassed about this one. I know it's from the craziness that was Intermuse and took up my life for the two weeks previous, but eew.
Item(s) #33: 1 Ricola cough drop, 1 Ricola cough drop wrapper, and 11 Halls vitamin C drop wrappers. Those Halls Defense vitamin C drops might have saved my life. I downed approximately 25 per day during Intermuse.
Item(s) #34: 2 clean tissues. Plus an embarrassing amount of used tissues. More than 10, less than 50. Yes, I did count but I simply can't admit the exact number. Especially because I cleaned out the tissues before Intermuse started.
Item #35: A small piece of paper with a drawing of the teddy bear we saw at a gas station in Jordan. it looked like it had hydrocephalus. Naturally, it was drawn by Indy and completed with the caption, "My every breath brings agony..." and a label, "My Tiny Teddy!"
I'm afraid of what a stranger would think of me if they happened upon this purse. They'd probably start to look through it only to run immediately to the nearest sink and begin to sanitize themselves after realizing what they thought was a purse is clearly a shrine to used tissues. In fact, I doubt they would have ever got past the used tissues to explore the array of other useless items.
Sunday, May 27, 2012
Where to begin?
Saturday my day began at 4:54. A.M. After waking up every 10-30 minutes hacking up one of my lungs or at least the contents thereof.
I was not in a good mood.
But we were flying to Chicago and then driving 4 hours to check out Indy's new institute of higher education and attempt to find ourselves a place to live, so I tried to be optimistic. I immediately stubbed my still black and blue toe on something lurking strategically next to my side of the bed. I cursed silently, but I had an urgent need to pee so I kept limping to the bathroom. It's a good thing my body/bladder wouldn't let me sleep any longer because I was functioning at such an extremely slow level that it took me the whole hour to be dressed and have it together. At which point I knew I needed to try eating something so that I could get more pills down myself. Somewhere in between walking into the kitchen and opening the door of the fridge, I realized my stomach was not entirely settled. Great. So I put one slice of good old white bread into the toaster. Then I ran for the bathroom. Fortunately it was only dry heaves, so I came back out and forced myself to eat a few bites of dry toast and drink a few sips of strawberry-banana smoothie juice stuff. I had to test the waters, or stomach acids as the case may be. Still I knew it wasn't a good idea to try swallowing a bunch of pills so I lounged in the back of the car with a "just in case" bowl the entire ride to the airport.
At the airport is kind of blurry - I think that's when my fever really got going. I do remember telling husband that I felt like Gwyneth Paltrow on Contagion. By the time I walked/hobbled onto the plane, thestewardess flight attendant that's always there at the entrance took a look at me and said,
"Are you feelin' alright?"
Me: "Yeah, I'm just kinda sick."
FA: "With WHAT? Do you have the flu? Cuz this is a 3 hour flight so tell me now if you need medical attention. Should we get you some medical attention?"
We finally agreed that I could just wear a mask so as to hopefully not infect other passengers. At this point I think I was shaking/shivering uncontrollably. I made Indy hold the drink he had got me because I was pretty sure I was going to drop it. I opened the puke bag for the first time ever. That happened when the plane kept jerking and dropping not 30 seconds after we took off. I've never felt any fear of flying until this point. I spent the rest of the flight trying to find the right thing to pray for; I went through a smooth flight, my fever subsiding, being able to sleep, the flight going faster, and finally endurance because apparently that's what I needed. Except that at one point the pressure started getting terrible and I couldn't get my ears to pop. It kept getting worse and worse until I couldn't really hear anything and by then it hurt so badly I started crying. I had to clutch my fists to keep from sobbing. If I had thought screaming like the kid a few rows up would have helped, I might have tried it.
Skip forward to where my wonderful husband (who says I was somewhat delirious by the time we landed) made me sit with the luggage while he went to find the car and then wait in the car whilst he went into Target to buy ibuprofen, cough drops, and a new box of tissue. He also bought a chocolate protein drink in an effort to get some fluid/calories into me. He then drove the entire 4+ hours with me passed out, drooling and probably snoring. I finally moved to the back seat to lay down. At least I'd had enough awareness in the morning to grab my own pillow before we left.
We finally got settled into our hotel room (the first had a broken AC, so we had to switch) and realized we needed more from Target. So off we set again and I thought I was feeling better, so I went with. We had just picked up our few items, including water and a snack for the evening when I had, in the infamous words of my little cousin, a "poo-poo toot." A "poo-poo toot" is exactly what it sounds like and so I shuffled as quickly as I could in my own shame toward the bathroom, hoping that no incriminating stain was spreading across my thin khaki capris. After ridding myself of as much evidence as possible (I didn't have to call Indy to make him buy me new shorts and bring them to the bathroom, yay!), I was done. I didn't want to be conscious for another minute of the day. Husband had guessed this and was hurriedly checking out with our few items so that I could waddle out self-consciously toward the car.
So I guess the upside is I never did puke. But I did poop my pants. Which do you prefer?
I was not in a good mood.
But we were flying to Chicago and then driving 4 hours to check out Indy's new institute of higher education and attempt to find ourselves a place to live, so I tried to be optimistic. I immediately stubbed my still black and blue toe on something lurking strategically next to my side of the bed. I cursed silently, but I had an urgent need to pee so I kept limping to the bathroom. It's a good thing my body/bladder wouldn't let me sleep any longer because I was functioning at such an extremely slow level that it took me the whole hour to be dressed and have it together. At which point I knew I needed to try eating something so that I could get more pills down myself. Somewhere in between walking into the kitchen and opening the door of the fridge, I realized my stomach was not entirely settled. Great. So I put one slice of good old white bread into the toaster. Then I ran for the bathroom. Fortunately it was only dry heaves, so I came back out and forced myself to eat a few bites of dry toast and drink a few sips of strawberry-banana smoothie juice stuff. I had to test the waters, or stomach acids as the case may be. Still I knew it wasn't a good idea to try swallowing a bunch of pills so I lounged in the back of the car with a "just in case" bowl the entire ride to the airport.
At the airport is kind of blurry - I think that's when my fever really got going. I do remember telling husband that I felt like Gwyneth Paltrow on Contagion. By the time I walked/hobbled onto the plane, the
"Are you feelin' alright?"
Me: "Yeah, I'm just kinda sick."
FA: "With WHAT? Do you have the flu? Cuz this is a 3 hour flight so tell me now if you need medical attention. Should we get you some medical attention?"
We finally agreed that I could just wear a mask so as to hopefully not infect other passengers. At this point I think I was shaking/shivering uncontrollably. I made Indy hold the drink he had got me because I was pretty sure I was going to drop it. I opened the puke bag for the first time ever. That happened when the plane kept jerking and dropping not 30 seconds after we took off. I've never felt any fear of flying until this point. I spent the rest of the flight trying to find the right thing to pray for; I went through a smooth flight, my fever subsiding, being able to sleep, the flight going faster, and finally endurance because apparently that's what I needed. Except that at one point the pressure started getting terrible and I couldn't get my ears to pop. It kept getting worse and worse until I couldn't really hear anything and by then it hurt so badly I started crying. I had to clutch my fists to keep from sobbing. If I had thought screaming like the kid a few rows up would have helped, I might have tried it.
Skip forward to where my wonderful husband (who says I was somewhat delirious by the time we landed) made me sit with the luggage while he went to find the car and then wait in the car whilst he went into Target to buy ibuprofen, cough drops, and a new box of tissue. He also bought a chocolate protein drink in an effort to get some fluid/calories into me. He then drove the entire 4+ hours with me passed out, drooling and probably snoring. I finally moved to the back seat to lay down. At least I'd had enough awareness in the morning to grab my own pillow before we left.
We finally got settled into our hotel room (the first had a broken AC, so we had to switch) and realized we needed more from Target. So off we set again and I thought I was feeling better, so I went with. We had just picked up our few items, including water and a snack for the evening when I had, in the infamous words of my little cousin, a "poo-poo toot." A "poo-poo toot" is exactly what it sounds like and so I shuffled as quickly as I could in my own shame toward the bathroom, hoping that no incriminating stain was spreading across my thin khaki capris. After ridding myself of as much evidence as possible (I didn't have to call Indy to make him buy me new shorts and bring them to the bathroom, yay!), I was done. I didn't want to be conscious for another minute of the day. Husband had guessed this and was hurriedly checking out with our few items so that I could waddle out self-consciously toward the car.
So I guess the upside is I never did puke. But I did poop my pants. Which do you prefer?
Thursday, May 17, 2012
Stuff
Meanwhile, I've decided I have to get better at blogging in preparation for moving across the country. So I figured out I've never put up pictures of anything I made. Probably because I'm uber critical of them. But anyway, this is what I aspire to be good at.
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I had no business going to the town art ball last week, but I went anyway - stag, since I so kindly shared my plague with my husband. But the thing was, I made this for last year's art ball and then got sick and couldn't go. So I didn't really care how I felt. I made it out of an old bridesmaid outfit, and two dresses found at thrift stores. It's based on Yvaine's dress from the movie Stardust. The back still doesn't satisfy me though. Here's the great part: a while ago I made an 1870-80s-ish corset and I decided to wear it since this is more or less a bustle dress and I wasn't planning to wear it long. I'm not sure it got properly cinched & tied actually, since husband seems a little confused and hesitant.
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I also made part of my nephew's blessing outfit. My mom made this adorable mini-suit and I supplied the vest and Uncle ChaCha-like (Indy's official uncle name - all the nieces call him that) bowtie:
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I also made some shoes with his initials:
Aaaaaaand gratuitous pictures of the nephew's cuteness:
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| Snuggles! |
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| "Who the heck are you people??" |
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| "Oh, okay, I'll humor you if you keep making faces like that..." |
Thursday, March 22, 2012
Once Upon a Time in Hollywood
Soooooooo...
I was thinking about Grace Kelly the other night (don't remember why) and it's probably because I just finished (okay, almost finished, it wound up missing a piece) this awesome Cinderella puzzle, but it hit me like a ton of bricks: if Disney had decided to make a live action version of his Cinderella, nobody else would have worked. Grace Kelly was Cinderella.
Then my train of thought jumped tracks to what if each Disney princess/heroine could have been portrayed by an actress from classic Hollywood? (Probably because I'm so addicted to Once Upon a Time and there currently seems to be such a huge interest in doing live action versions of fairy tales.) Naturally, the next stop on that train track was deciding who would have worked for who. I ran these by Indy and here's the verdict:
Snow White (Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs 1937)
Merle Oberon
We've already been over this. Grace Kelly, the end.
Not only does she fit perfectly, but her career launched the same year Cinderella appeared on the screens: 1950 (she was just 20 when she started). She's one of Hollywood's most famous classic actresses, but she only acted for six years before marrying Rainier III, Prince of Monaco in 1956.
But she still managed to win and Academy Award for Best Actress.
Alice (Alice in Wonderland 1951)
This one took me a little while. I finally decided on Jane Powell.
When I found this one, it clicked perfectly. At least in my oh-so-humble opinion.
I was thinking about Grace Kelly the other night (don't remember why) and it's probably because I just finished (okay, almost finished, it wound up missing a piece) this awesome Cinderella puzzle, but it hit me like a ton of bricks: if Disney had decided to make a live action version of his Cinderella, nobody else would have worked. Grace Kelly was Cinderella.
Then my train of thought jumped tracks to what if each Disney princess/heroine could have been portrayed by an actress from classic Hollywood? (Probably because I'm so addicted to Once Upon a Time and there currently seems to be such a huge interest in doing live action versions of fairy tales.) Naturally, the next stop on that train track was deciding who would have worked for who. I ran these by Indy and here's the verdict:
Snow White (Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs 1937)
Merle Oberon
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She's a 30's actress, on the early side of classic Hollywood, but that seems entirely appropriate for Snow White.
Cinderella (Cinderella 1950)
We've already been over this. Grace Kelly, the end.
Not only does she fit perfectly, but her career launched the same year Cinderella appeared on the screens: 1950 (she was just 20 when she started). She's one of Hollywood's most famous classic actresses, but she only acted for six years before marrying Rainier III, Prince of Monaco in 1956.
But she still managed to win and Academy Award for Best Actress.
Alice (Alice in Wonderland 1951)
This one took me a little while. I finally decided on Jane Powell.  | |
She has those great big blue eyes. Coincidentally, she was born the same year as Grace Kelly. And I grew up watching Seven Brides for Seven Brothers. So I'm partial.
Aurora (Sleeping Beauty 1959)
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Her voice is naturally incredible (as Aurora's is supposed to be). She never had any vocal training before she auditioned for Rodgers & Hammerstein which landed her a small role that led directly to them asking her to take the lead in Oklahoma! only a year later.
Ariel (The Little Mermaid 1989)
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This one was kinda hard. I settled on Judy Garland. Her big eyes sold me.
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Like I said, the big eyes sold me. And she would also have to have a good, yet young sounding voice.
Belle (Beauty and the Beast 1991)
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Belle was hard because she's my favorite. That made me want to pair her with Audrey Hepburn because Audrey Hepburn was also my childhood favorite. But I think Audrey actually looks like one of the other leading ladies as you will see and it just didn't feel right. So I went with Natalie Wood because she has the fuller cheekbones and because she seemed to play more Belle-type characters.
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I never really realized that Natalie Wood died even younger than Grace Kelly. She drowned the year before Grace Kelly's accident but she was nine years younger than Grace.
Jasmine (Aladdin 1992)
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Sophia Loren. Yeah, she's Italian but I think she would have been one awesome Jasmine back in her golden Hollywood years.
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I almost wonder if it wasn't Sophia Loren the animators were picturing when they drew Jasmine...
Esmeralda (The Hunchback of Notre Dame 1996)
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This was one where I came across a picture of Esmeralda and went, "Huh. Liz Taylor's the only one that would work for that."
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Megara (Hercules 1997)
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Another hard one just because I love Meg. But after discussing it with Indy, we decided Lauren Bacall was the best match.
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Even though Barbara Stanwyck served as the inspiration for Meg, Lauren Bacall seems like a better embodiment. She has the lower husky voice, very similar eyes, and the attitude, something carried over from her own character into the characters she portrayed (she was reportedly pretty difficult at times). Perfect.
Mulan (Mulan 1998)
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This one was hard since, let's face it, there were not very many well-known Asian actresses during the 1930's, 40's, & 50's. I had to dig a little, but I came up with this adorably beautiful actress, Maylia Fong.
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Yeah, I really can't tell you anything about her, but isn't she adorable???
Jane (Tarzan 1999)
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People will probably think I'm crazy, but this is who I would have Audrey Hepburn play. Being attracted to an ape-raised man and becoming Queen of the Jungle really doesn't seem like Audrey Hepburn, I know, but Jane as a cartoon looks like a cartoon Audrey to me. So shoot me, I don't really care if you can't see it.
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Tiana (The Princess and the Frog 2009)
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Also hard, but really I think Dorothy Dandridge would be a great Tiana. Better match looks-wise than Lena Horne, who was my first thought.
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Rapunzel (Tangled 2010)
This one was kind of hard. I finally picked Debbie Reynolds. She's got the rounder face and she's cute like Rapunzel.
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Aaaaaand that's the peek into my brain for the week, and probably month or two or six.
Also, don't even mention that I left out Poke-my-hinus. Biggest mistake Disney ever made.
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