Letter to Natalie

Dear Natti,

I know you're aware how much I miss you.  How much all of us miss you.  But I still wish I could tell you. I know I'm not the only one who is reminded of you by everything they see.  It still doesn't feel real - I don't know when it will.  The few times it has come close to feeling real I felt like I was in serious danger of losing my mind.  Your absence is the most all-consuming feeling of life right now.  The problem is that life itself doesn't feel real.

I wish I'd had a chance to hear your voice those last few weeks.  But you never did leave voicemails.  The irony that I managed to see all three members of the rest of our family this year haunts me.  My paranoia about distracting you or interrupting your studying kept me from calling so many times.  What a hard way to learn to ignore that sort of insignificant worry.  You can count on me endlessly interrupting you throughout eternity, that is if you can ever escape my hug, let alone my sight. 

There are things I just can't complain about to anybody else in the same way.  So now instead of people thinking I'm crazy for talking to myself, they're going to have me committed for complaining to what appears to be thin air.  Who will I go to Gruene Hall with?  Not that going to Gruene is a good idea; if I can't walk into the Disney Store without losing it, Gruene Hall is hardly a safe venue.  Hell, I couldn't walk into a Texas BBQ place I found today without leaving tear-streaked. 

Here's to you Natti - you better be livin' it up on the other side.  I promise I'll get back to the point of livin' it up here, but it might take awhile.  If I keep imagine how you'd be poking me and kickin' my backside, I might manage it.  I love you baby girl.